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Betrayed by the keeper of secrets, guard of my heart

stolen moments, behind closed doors

sweaty exchanges, much more than a stolen kiss

traitorous words, so kind yet cruel

spoken so easily, directed her way

And yet you think that you love me you say

for a night of heated pleasure our life I must not throw away

where was I when her kiss brushed upon your lips?

surely not in your thoughts, not in your head, definitely not in your bed

as romps in the sheet, a cuddle and a lay

words of romantic exchanges and plans for another rendezvous

were so loosely made.

I live with the hurt of knowing each day

keeper of secrets, guard of my heart

love oh so dear....you betrayed.

Really!!!....is that how men think?

A&E had a marathon special on the reality show surrounding the Rock singer Gene Simmons, in it he's been with the same woman for approximately 28 years, she's the mother of his 2 children....hs only 2 children and they live together. Strangely enough throughout the episodes she has problems with his womanizing ways but the part that REALLY had me wondering if this was how men think were his comments "i've dated this woman for over 25 years" .... like REALLY?!?! at 62 years old and being with the same woman, the mother of your child...you still consider it dating?!?! Personally i don't know what deals/agreements were made between them but come on if you're with someone consistently for over 2 years i'd think the relationship is more serious than dating....if after 6 years you have a child together...i'd think that's more than dating

i'd think thats a committed relationship, that at this time it should be an unspoken rule that this is your spouse, your significant other, that THIS is the person you were destined to spend your life with. I mean come..on! 28 years?!?!?

is that how men think? if there's not a ring then there's no implied commitment?

A poem within a poem....aka a hot mess

I want to shout, scream utter words with meaning
issue sentences with metaphors,
clever tiddies with a morale
use my words to wound or to heal

Yet i open my mouth and....


silence
My pen falls from my hand
my mind turns blank
i sit and stare, trying to say it this way and that
trying to figure why can't i do that?

sigh.....i try...again
My heart yearns to speak
speak of breaks, quick fixes, patches
explain why on this day it chose to love
and then that day hate
my heart wants to be heard
it wants to say
how each new experience was a effort of hope
that ended as a lesson in pain
my heart wants to know
what it did so bad
that when it's given
it's often returned, broken, beaten and sad

My pen falls from the paper
tears flow from my eyes
i long to crumple this betrayal
and don my disguise
bury the feelings
move on seemingly unscathed
to avoid the seemingly sympathetic comments
and the pitiful stares

Sigh....poor little heart, carrying such a heavy load
maybe one day you'll be justified
don't lose hope.....

I wake up alone

Once again I find myself unable to explain what I'm feeling, curled up on the couch with tears streaming down my cheeks.

Once again, I know not why I cry.

Maybe I'm defective..too many years of holding it all in, being tough maybe it's all taken it's toll... Like Mohammed took too many punches to the head..I've taken too many hits to the heart.

Maybe I think too much..I should just let things just happen after all life is just a series of random events...right?

**sigh**

Yet another post I don't know where I'm going, just more emotional ramblings.

It's so hard to say goodbye

I seem to only post on this blog when I'm in an emotional quandry....what to do, what to do. The sad thing is this time I know what to do, it's just so hard to do it. Sigh, I write because I need an outlet for my wide gamut of emotions. Sadness, regret, longing,lonliness....
He's been apart of my life for a long time, he was my lover who became my friend who became my boyfriend and I love him. The sad part is, I just don't trust him. After having him hurt me, each time more intense than the last, each more grueling than the last,each time taking him back. I can't be with him anymore, I just don't trust him, I keep expecting the same thing to happen...again, he just doesn't seem to get why I feel this way and I can't seem to explain, sigh. So the time has come for me to preserve myself, to try and gather what dignity and sanity I have left and just walk away.

.....Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend

The introduction of King J!

So, i've met a guy....yeah i know, you're all thinking man she moves fast, we'll call him King J, because MAN does he think highly of himself. I met King J sometime ago and he's pretty direct, he saw me, thinks i'm kinda hot so now he wants me. Hey i can respect a man who's honest, but he's already telling me he can just imagine how great i am in bed.......like wtf, atleast pretend to try and find out if i have a brain!!! So now King J has false started and will be taken outta the race....will however keep him around for entertainment purposes.

No you dirty minded buggers, not THAT!

However i do need like the challenge of being hunted ;) the lunch dates, the constant attention, the dinners....hmmmm

Will keep you posted on that.....oooh shyt gotta go get rdy for an exam!!

adios

Single in the City

Today CB and i have broken up for the absolute last time....I say that the absolute part because i'm sure thats the last time we're breaking up...he decided to get with Horse Girl, go figure. Regular people (by people i mean females) would be bawling up a storm, eating ice-cream and calling all their girlfriends to join them in their "men are evil" campaign....not me, reason being i've gone the whole gamut of emotions during this relationship:

Happy
Love Blind
Sad
Angry
Wistful
Bitchy (yes, thats an emotion....trust me!)
and just plain old depressed

And i'm tired of it, i sit at home moping and he's making kissy face with horse girl. So i've decided no more!!

I'm gonna concentrate on the positives and what i can do to make things better for my friends, i need to be:

1) Helping K-Mack
2) Finding myself a sugar daddy (i just got my receipt for my school fees.....i'm gonna be broke for the unforseeable future)
3) Go dating again

I'm officially making my declaration, i'm on the hunt again :D

Please submit all applications via the comment box below, lol...


***cheaters, insecure men and pansies need not apply***