It's so hard to say goodbye

I seem to only post on this blog when I'm in an emotional quandry....what to do, what to do. The sad thing is this time I know what to do, it's just so hard to do it. Sigh, I write because I need an outlet for my wide gamut of emotions. Sadness, regret, longing,lonliness....
He's been apart of my life for a long time, he was my lover who became my friend who became my boyfriend and I love him. The sad part is, I just don't trust him. After having him hurt me, each time more intense than the last, each more grueling than the last,each time taking him back. I can't be with him anymore, I just don't trust him, I keep expecting the same thing to happen...again, he just doesn't seem to get why I feel this way and I can't seem to explain, sigh. So the time has come for me to preserve myself, to try and gather what dignity and sanity I have left and just walk away.

.....Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend

The introduction of King J!

So, i've met a guy....yeah i know, you're all thinking man she moves fast, we'll call him King J, because MAN does he think highly of himself. I met King J sometime ago and he's pretty direct, he saw me, thinks i'm kinda hot so now he wants me. Hey i can respect a man who's honest, but he's already telling me he can just imagine how great i am in bed.......like wtf, atleast pretend to try and find out if i have a brain!!! So now King J has false started and will be taken outta the race....will however keep him around for entertainment purposes.

No you dirty minded buggers, not THAT!

However i do need like the challenge of being hunted ;) the lunch dates, the constant attention, the dinners....hmmmm

Will keep you posted on that.....oooh shyt gotta go get rdy for an exam!!

adios

Single in the City

Today CB and i have broken up for the absolute last time....I say that the absolute part because i'm sure thats the last time we're breaking up...he decided to get with Horse Girl, go figure. Regular people (by people i mean females) would be bawling up a storm, eating ice-cream and calling all their girlfriends to join them in their "men are evil" campaign....not me, reason being i've gone the whole gamut of emotions during this relationship:

Happy
Love Blind
Sad
Angry
Wistful
Bitchy (yes, thats an emotion....trust me!)
and just plain old depressed

And i'm tired of it, i sit at home moping and he's making kissy face with horse girl. So i've decided no more!!

I'm gonna concentrate on the positives and what i can do to make things better for my friends, i need to be:

1) Helping K-Mack
2) Finding myself a sugar daddy (i just got my receipt for my school fees.....i'm gonna be broke for the unforseeable future)
3) Go dating again

I'm officially making my declaration, i'm on the hunt again :D

Please submit all applications via the comment box below, lol...


***cheaters, insecure men and pansies need not apply***

And they all lived UnHapPily ever after

I've been in a few relationships and I find that as time progresses it becomes harder and harder to walk away from each failed one. Usually there's a post relationship evaluation period for me, here i think about things like:
what i did wrong
what he did wrong
how to heal from this one
what i'm looking for in the next one

Ask K. Mack; he'll tell you that after every failed relation i swear off men, but as i find myself exiting yet another failed relationship i find that rather than going through the evaluation checklist i'm actually hopeful. This was not the best relationship i've had but i found that as time progressed and i became relegated to girlfriend in hiding (this is like after the 50th break up), i realized that i wasn't getting what i wanted. Maybe it sounds selfish but the least i expect from my man is for him to be considerate!! I certainly don't expect to be wear the title "girlfriend who is less important than the female friends"....If you treat me like that then how're they supposed to treat me??

Now i have to give him his props, he's a great listener and he was a great friend but I just find it funny that the sweetest, charming most romantic male turned into an insensitive, inconsiderate boyfriend.... I told him everything i didn't like/respect or appreciate and he did it anyway....and then he has the gall to ask ME to not do things that he doesn't like/respect.

***Insert laughter here***

After my bout of psychochickitis.... a disease i PRAY fervently to never catch again......( ooh but how i wish he was near enough for me to kick him in the shins...sigh), i've decided to just move on, after all i'm only hurting myself in all this, he's fine.

So on to the new, maybe not a new man just yet, but the rest of 2009 is gonna be dedicated to new projects....anything to fill the space.

Out with the old and in with the NEW!!!

To err is human

In order to keep my sanity while i go through my present situation i have decided to take up blogging again, this is my first one in a long while so forgive me if i ramble on aimlessly.

I have once again found myself in the exact situation i was in exactly 3 months ago now alot of people are gonna say i told you so and how could you be so foolish. In reality i ask myself the same thing, HOW could i let this happen again. Truthfully i believed he would change, i believed he would see his mistakes and change for me. How childish and unbelievable right...i mean how can you mistake the evil bastard with Prince Charming ? In reality i'm starting to give up on all that fairy tale stuff, maybe i should have a long time ago it would've prevented all this hurt now

Right now i'm crying as i write this i fought hard for a relationship and a friendship i believe in only to have him give it up because it suits him right now. The water falls from my eyes too easily considering i've been here before with him already, considering i've done this exact thing before. I thought that this time around i would see it coming and i'd stop it, i thought i could stop myself from getting hurt but what can i say i was a fool. To everyone who warned me, you were right!! and i'm sorry i ever defended him.....he is a lying cheating hurtful bastard who's only interested in self gratification. I forgave him once and he did the same thing...no more

To err is human, to forgive divine......divinity hurts, don't forgive!