Memorandum of understandings

So two nights ago i was at home ( a rare occurrence) watching the news (and even rarer occurrence) when i was made aware that now there's a memorandum of understanding (m.o.u) between some citizens from a particularly violent neighbourhood, the JDF and some government ministry,later on in that same segment it was announced that there was also a memorandum of understanding between two of the largest most recognized credit unions in jamaica. So i've given this memorandum of understanding thing a little thought i believe that the following people should have a m.o.u.

The Gunmen in Spanish Town, M.o.u
Terms: Nobody should be shot unless they're actually carrying a gun, all other citizens (including men) should be free to walk without harrasment and fear. All gun-toting individuals should agree to vacate innocent people areas, such as the town centre and instead convene in an open field stand like men (or idiots) and shoot at each other.

The Police and Criminals M.o.u
Terms: If you are a criminal and you get caught in a violent criminal act, you will be immediately shot.....No court, no innocent until proven guilty, you violated someone's rights, your rights get violated. If you're a criminal and get caught in a non-violent crime you will be whipped. However people who commit white collar crimes, in addition to the whipping, their bank a/c's (even the ones in foreign countries) should be emptied and distrubted to poor working people, preferably single mothers.

The Brokepocket men and shopping M.o.u
Terms: If you do not have a job, you do not go to all the hottest dances in all the latest clothes. It's just wrong, i work and i can't do that.


hmmm......I'm sure there's a lot of other combinations that would be good, but i can't think of any right now. I'll update this when i do

The rastaman and his not quite empress

So i've been around and all the while i notice the type of women rasta men always have as their girls, some natural haired chica who looks like she'd stand quietly by and support her man. They rarely look like the type to disagree with anything he says and more than likely can be found at home doing the one cooking, washing and cleaning.....ummm, not me.
So my present boyfriend is a rasta, albeit a westernized one but still a rasta. So he's pretty relaxed about some rules, but very strict on others. He's a vegetarian i'm a meateater, but he doesn't mind, he cooks and washes and helps with cleaning, he doesn't mind the fact that i believe in and enforce the bikini line rule** but the fundamental problem that we have is one thing he's totally against..........I eat pork. Ham, bacon, stewed peas with pigstail bring it on, and he hates it. Now out of respect to him i won't eat it if i'm going to be seeing him but lately, well there's been a problem. Now i really don't know why it is but nowadays i find that as soon as i leave his company i want sup'm pork related.....i know, i'm a bad girl, but i just can't help it. The latest craving has been for stewed peas.....obviously with pigs tail...mmmhmm, but i can't let the b/f know this.... my supposed to be shameful secret. he chastizes me to no end yet all that happens it that I ignore him. I think it's the rebel in me, my mother always said if she wanted me to go left she had to explain why and how best going left would help me, oooh well i guess i'll just continue with my not so empress-ish self, after all thats what he fell for :D

Mr. Big

I don't know if this is an all female situation or just me and the ones i know, but in our lives there's this one particular guy....i'll call him Mr. Big. Now Mr. Big is a guy we got involved with for a variety of reasons, varying from "he was cute" to " i stole him from her just to show her who's the real b*@tch "....oops, ignore that last one. Anyway needless to say the relationship didn't start out serious, but then something changed and unbelievably Mr.Big became the most important thing to exist. He became the one you wanted to be with but you were afraid to make the first move.....ironically after you started the damn thing, he became the one you dreamed about a future with all the while trying to convince yourself "he's not that important". Then one day it ends...and you're devastated. Now this is the part thats really funny, all the friends that used to say you'd be soo cute together are now calling him everything from dog to that thing.....and then they tell you it's ok, the children wouldn't have been that cute anyway, lol.

Sigh, anyway Mr. Big is that guy that no matter how you try you just can't seem to get over him.

So me and my Mr.Big, well looking at it from the outside, you'd see two totally unsuitable persons, he's accepted that, i haven't....sad huh, considering that there's now a bf (keep up, the bf is not Mr. Big). So simple solution, find out what it is about Mr.Big that is so irresistable and look for it in the b/f right???...WRONG......everybody's unique and most definitely what makes Mr. Big...well, Mr.Big is uniquely him and looking for it in somebody else well..... wouldn't it mean that i'm looking for another Mr.Big?? who's exactly like the last one?? and wouldn't that be two steps backward? or would it be one step forward.....he would be physically different after all :D......i miss my Mr.Big :(

Sigh, i dunno.......
Next post i'll be more up beat and less confusing

Holiday.....whats that??

So i hear there's a holiday coming up...however where i work, there're no such things as a holiday. I bet everybody must be curious...wondering, no such thing as a holiday.....unthinkable. Yep, because i work for Bribe You for Your Holiday Incorporated. Here at BYYHI (Bribe You for Your Holiday Incorporated) holidays are the only time everybody is More than happy to work....don't ask why because you know what a bribe is and it's called a bribe for one reason, its enough money to make you happy you gave up whatever you were gonna do. So goodbye all my dreams of going to the country and goodbye my wish to go hang out with friends.....hello miserable jamaican customers :(

Btw, they really do make it worth your while ;)

Congratulations.......It's a Girl

So today i have been informed that one of the most notorious playboys i know has become a daddy....isn't that sweet?? but then the irony struck me....a playboy, someone who used other father's girl children has a daughter. Is this his punishment or is this little girl born especially for the convent :D But more seriously i began to wonder will this change him?? will this make him more committed to his girlfriend/babymother? and then i began to wonder even deeper...is that the reason , she did it?? Now no offense to the young lady but knowingly getting with a playboy and then getting pregnant for him, is that what she was hoping for?? that maybe the baby'd make him more committed, make him respect her more, be hers and only hers?

Now as a female, i can totally understand being in love with someone who is less than perfect but i believe totally that if something is not good for you, let it go..if it's yours it will come back.

Anyway i wish the couple a happy life with their new cutie soon to be nun :D lol,

Do you need help opening the closet door??

I'm not a particularly fat person, something who everybody who knows me know i'm not proud of, i always have to buy the itty bitty jeans because, quite frankly, they're the only ones i can fit into. Lately however, i've had a dilemma.....i can't find small, 3-4, 1 sized jeans anywhere.....weeell except on the men. See all my stores have sold all my lovely tight pants...to, horror of all horrors...men.
It's a new trend i'm noticing in here, tight pants and the colour pink are coming back with a vengeance...and according to one guy i heard, real men wear pink. Now i live in an extremely homophobic society, heck i'm afraid to be seen with a girl because even female friendships are being closely watched these days, but what i can't understand is why is it that the people who are supposedly "bunnin a chi-chi" are dressing like them. Ok maybe not, gay men dress better than that, but still it seems standard wear for guys are two earrings, permed hair (which i might add is straighter than mine) tight pants and a pink top...with matching pink belt and shoes. Now the scary thing is that this isn't just happening with the no working bums.....oooh no, boys at prominent high schools are dressing this way, because it's considered cool but the even scarier thing is that girls are going after boys who look like this. These are the future leaders, these are the future Dr.'s and lawyers so then....whats gonna happen to our future if everybody's a follower and nobody's a leader??

No after all this i'm wondering if it walks like a duck and looks like a duck then it damn well ain' t a fish .......it must be a duck right??...or could it really be a fish ;)

Sweety.....do you have a death wish?!?!?!

After all the stories published in the media
"Young girl dies, refused to give amed robber her cellphone" and "Phone stealing on the rise..." I in all my infinite wisdom decided to stand up to an armed robber because he asked me nicely for my phone. So here i am sitting on this bus pissed at the b/f...(well now the ex-b/f, but thats a whole other story) and this man decides that apparently my day was going to well, so he sidles up to my right side, shows me his knife and whispers for me to be silent while i hand him my phone.
I turn around incredulous and look at him, he can't be serious i think....but again he flashes his weaponry as if to remind me he had made a request........AND I LOSE IT.
WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU"RE TALKING TO!!!!......a a bus full of people turn around. DID YOU BUY THIS FRIGGIN PHONE, HUH....HOW MUCH YOU HELP CONTRIBUTE TOWARDS IT!!!! YOU KNOW HOW CREDIT GO ON THIS PHONE.....YUH MUSSI TINK SO A SO PHONE GO!!!!
Shamefully he puts his knife away and hurries off the bus, before the angry skinny girl rile the passengers enough to beat the hell outta him.
In retrospect, the ex should be glad that this idiot got what he should've and yes it was a foolish thing to do ( I'm thinking of resorting to taxi's and trying to get my license before the end of the year), but i learnt a few things today.....
1)I must be blessed or have some divine covering
2) i wouldn't mess with me when i'm angry
3) I need to get a watch and stop checking my time on the cell phone
4) I now believe in jungle justice (i'm so mad they didn't gang him and beat him, just so i coulda stepped on him....)
5) adrenaline is a b*@tch to come down from.....i'm soo tired