It's so hard to say goodbye

I seem to only post on this blog when I'm in an emotional quandry....what to do, what to do. The sad thing is this time I know what to do, it's just so hard to do it. Sigh, I write because I need an outlet for my wide gamut of emotions. Sadness, regret, longing,lonliness....
He's been apart of my life for a long time, he was my lover who became my friend who became my boyfriend and I love him. The sad part is, I just don't trust him. After having him hurt me, each time more intense than the last, each more grueling than the last,each time taking him back. I can't be with him anymore, I just don't trust him, I keep expecting the same thing to happen...again, he just doesn't seem to get why I feel this way and I can't seem to explain, sigh. So the time has come for me to preserve myself, to try and gather what dignity and sanity I have left and just walk away.

.....Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend